Ache
by ticktickticktock
Summary: Blaine and Kurt desperately want children. But when complications make conceiving difficult for the couple, will they be able to handle it? Mpreg. Minor character death. Angst.
1. Chapter 1

**Warning: Contains male pregnancy and minor character death. **

**I do not own Glee.**

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When Kurt woke up at 3AM to an empty bed, it didn't take him long to find his husband. He slowly got up and hesitantly crept to the room across the hall, finding Blaine curled up in the rocking chair with a small, pink blanket clutched to his chest. "Honey?" He said softly as he walked in, frowning at the sight before him. "Blaine?"

Blinking, Blaine looked up from where he sat, his red and puffy eyes clear indicators that he'd been crying. "Oh. Hey." He mumbled, shifting in the chair. "What're you doing up?"

"You know I can't sleep without you there to cuddle with me." Kurt responded, moving to stand in front of the rocking chair. He smiled just slightly at his husband, but his smile faded after a moment and his expression turned worried. "Are you okay? I haven't seen you in here for a while."

The curly haired man sniffed softly and shrugged his shoulders, not looking up at his husband. "Today wasn't a good day." He said softly.

"Oh?"

"I went to the doctor's."

For a moment Kurt stood there in shock, with his eyes wide and his mouth agape. "You... did?"

Blaine nodded. "Yeah..." He said softy, closing his eyes now. "I thought that... that maybe..." He trailed off and shook his head, taking a few calming breaths before he dared to look up at Kurt. "I thought I was. So I went to check."

Immediately, Kurt crouched down in front of his husband with his hands gently resting on his legs. "Honey, I would have gone with you! You know I'll go to any appointment with you. Why didn't you ask-"

"The results were negative."

Those words seemed to silence the countertenor, and Blaine continued.

"I-I... I'd really thought that... that I was." He said shakily, his voice hardly above a whisper. "I was so _sure._.. All the signs and I... I was so excited. And I wanted to surprise you, so I didn't tell you about the d-doctor's visit. I wanted to come home and... and show you the official results. Like I did.. when... when.." He suddenly had to stop and visibly calm himself by taking deep breaths and rubbing his hands together. "But then the doctor... she told me I wasn't and I... I didn't know... how to tell you when I got home.. and and I..." Once more he trailed off, this time with a choked sob as he buried his face into the blanket his was holding. "M'Sorry!" He wailed miserably.

Kurt suddenly launched into comfort mode, not hesitating to take his husband into his arms. "Oh, honey." He whispered, his own glasz eyes shimmering with unshed tears as he slowly rocked his husband in a soothing motion. "Shh, it's okay. Don't apologize, it's okay. Don't cry."

The calming words went ignored, however, because Blaine shoved Kurt away and continued to cry. "I just want a baby!" He said miserably, gripping the blanket in his hands even tighter. "It's not fair! I... I..."

"Blaine." Kurt reached forward again to gently try and calm his husband. He knew it would be difficult, though. It always was after he had a right doctor's visit.

Blaine closed his eyes and allowed himself to be comforted this time. He melted into Kurt's arms before suddenly clinging, not wanting him to let go. "It's just not fair." He whispered into Kurt's shoulder.

It wasn't fair, that after years of trying, Blaine couldn't have a baby; no, instead he had to be taunted by the world around him. All of his friends were becoming parents- Finn and Rachel had just given birth to their second child, Mercedes was pregnant with her first, Quinn had a crowd of three already, and, hell, even Cooper had two kids of his own by now!

But Blaine?

He was left to watch it all, trying his best to be happy for his friends despite the continuous struggle raging inside of him. He just wanted a baby. A son or a daughter. A child that was both his and Kurt's. He wanted it so badly it hurt, but...

It hadn't happened yet.

But it almost had, three years ago.  
Three years ago when, after so long of trying, the doctor had happily told him he was expecting. Both Blaine and Kurt were over the moon- as fatherhood was something both men craved- and they prepared for their new baby in every way possible.  
They read all the books, made sure Blaine ate healthily, and after finding out that they would be having a little girl, decorated a nursery and even picked out a name. Their baby was to be called Emma Grace, a name that both men thought perfect for their little princess, and they were ecstatic while awaiting her arrival.

Her arrival, however, did not go as planned.

Blaine went into an early labor, without warning, at barely six months pregnant. He'd given birth to his tiny Emma Grace, who was immediately rushed to the intensive care unit just after birth. He didn't even have a chance to see her, until it was too late. The doctors did everything they could, but in the end, the little girl's lungs were just too underdeveloped and she passed away after only three hours of life. Both of her father's were devastated.

As expected, both men grieved greatly for the loss of their little girl, with Blaine taking it especially hard. He felt responsible for the early delivery of his daughter- there had to have been something he'd done wrong, and despite Kurt's reassurances that he'd done nothing, Blaine still blamed himself. He had been the one to carry her, after all.

It took a while, but after nearly a year of many sleepless nights, teary kisses, and upset confessions and reassurances, both men felt the need to try again for a family. The desire of parenthood was deeply tugging at Kurt and Blaine, and they desperately wanted to have a little family of their own. So they began to try yet again.

But… Blaine just couldn't get pregnant. He went to special doctors, tried certain medications, tried certain home remedies, tried having _lots_ of sex… to no avail. Hopeful visits to the doctor ended in tears, and many nights, Blaine couldn't sleep because his mind was racing with reasons why he couldn't conceive Kurt's child. Was he being punished for something? Was there something wrong with him? He just didn't understand. Why couldn't he have a baby?

Sighing softly, Kurt pressed a gentle kiss to the top of Blaine's head, jolting him from his thoughts. "It's okay." The countertenor said softly. "We can try again. And next time I'll go to the doctor with you… I don't want you feeling like you have to go at it alone. You don't. We're in this together, you know. Me and you, like always."

Still sniffling, Blaine hugged Kurt tightly, finally feeling like he might be calming down, just a bit. "Okay." He whispered softly, and then, after a moment, "I'm sorry."

"Hey now, no need for apologies. You haven't done anything wrong."

"But…" Blaine pulled back from his husband's embrace and stood up, walking towards the crib that sat in the corner of the room. "I'm just tired of disappointing you. I just want you to be happy."

"Blaine! I am hap-"

"You don't have to pretend." The shorter man interrupted with a small shake of the head. "I can't... I can't give you a child, and it kills me, Kurt. Absolutely kills me. I want… I want you to be able to hold a little girl or boy in your arms and see them look up at you and think.. _'Wow. This is our baby_.' Our baby that we created out of our love for each other. B-But I can't do that; I can't give that to you. And I'm so… so sorry, Kurt. I…I… it kills me.. I.. don't understand…"

Kurt sensed by Blaine's tone that the tears were about to start again and he flew to his side. "Blaine Anderson-Hummel." He said softly as he wrapped his arms around his waist. "If you think for minute- even a second- a _moment _that I'm not happy because we don't have a baby, then you're wrong." He said softly, holding up a hand when the other man opened his mouth to speak. "I'm not saying that I wouldn't be overjoyed about having a child, because I most definitely would be, but I am saying that _it's okay. _It really is. You know why?" He didn't even wait for an answer before continuing, "Because I have you, and you make me happier than I will ever be able to explain. Baby or no baby, and I mean it, honey. I truly do." He stopped then and looked at Blaine with a small smile, waiting for him to say something.

It took him a moment, but slowly, Blaine nodded and reached up to wipe the tears on his face away. "I… I'm sorry for being such a crier." He mumbled, sort of laughing as he looked up at Kurt. "But I just… I can't _help _it. I feel so… so discouraged, and even though we don't _have_ to have a baby, I want one _so badly. _So badly that it hurts… It's like this ache, this empty feeling that won't go away and I just… I.. you know what I mean?"

"I do, sweetie."

Nodding, Blaine leaned in to rest his head on Kurt's shoulder while dropping a hand to his stomach. "Can we keep trying?" He asked in a timid voice. "I don't want to give up, not yet. I… just want this, Kurt. I _want _it."

Kurt's grip tightened and he gave his husband a small, gentle squeeze. "Okay." He said quietly, knowing that he couldn't deny his husband something that he wanted so, so much. "Then we can. We can keep trying."

"Thank you, Kurt. _Thank you." _With that, Blaine leaned in for a gentle kiss, and as he let Kurt hold him there, standing in the never-used nursery of their apartment, he knew that they truly would be okay. They would have their family some day- he just _knew_ it- and they would be just fine._  
_

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**Urgh, I'm crying. D: Sorry for the crap ending, I'm never good with ending things. **

**For now, this is a one-shot, but that's not to say I won't continue it. I suppose it depends on what ideas I get and what you all think of it. So... let me know?**


	2. Chapter 2

**I've decided to continue this story. **

**Warning... it's angsty. **

**I do not own Glee. **

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When Kurt heard a knock at the door, he had no doubt about who it was.

"Rachel." He mustered a small smile for his friend. "Hey."

"Hey." The brunette replied softly as she stepped into the apartment. In her hands she held two coffee drinks- a non-fat mocha and a medium drip- and she tried her best to smile as she gazed at her friend. "I brought these over. Thought you and Blaine might need them."

"Oh, thank you. You didn't have to..."

"I know, but I wanted to." Rachel responded, handing Kurt his drink. With Blaine's left in her hand she glanced around, not seeing the curly-haired man in the apartment. "Where is your hubby anyways?" She asked with a small frown before looking back at Kurt. "Is he... is he doing okay today?"

Frowning, Kurt wrapped his cold hands around the warm drink cup and closed his eyes. "He... he went out." He said quietly. "He said he needed some time alone."

"Oh."

"Yeah." Kurt headed towards the couch then and the young woman followed, being unusually quiet as she sat down beside her friend. The two merely sat there for a bit silence, until finally, Kurt opened his mouth again.

"It's still so strange to think that today would have been her birthday." He said softly, his eyes closing as he let out a breath.

Rachel merely waited. She knew it wouldn't be long before her friend continued.

"And she... she would be so big now, you know? I can almost picture her running around the apartment in a little dress... her dark curls bouncing..." He let out a soft laugh and shook his head, now opening his blue eyes that were shining with tears. He merely gazed at the girl beside him before he let out a breath.  
"Blaine's really not doing well anymore, you know." He suddenly choked out. "I don't know what to do."

Blinking, Rachel scooted in closer to place a hand on her friend's arm. "Kurt." She said gently with a small sigh, but the man just continued.

"He... he's been so depressed lately. And I can tell that he doesn't want to be... I can see in his eyes that he's trying to so hard to be happy, but... but..." He stopped here to take a shaky breath and he wiped at his eyes. "He thought he was pregnant, you know?" He muttered, voice barely above a whisper. "He said he was so sure... and he was so excited... but... but he wasn't. He's been trying to cope with that, and then today is Emma's... Emma's birthday and he... just wants... baby..." He stopped there, unable to continue as he pressed a hand over his mouth to stifle a sob.

Rachel immediately moved into action then, pulling Kurt into her arms for a hug that she knew he desperately needed. She gently rocked him and rubbed his back, just letting him have a good cry for a few minutes.

"It's okay." She said softly when she heard the cries subsiding, and she pulled back to look at her friend. "It's okay to get upset."

Eyes red and face blotchy from crying, Kurt nodded slightly and carefully ran a hand over his hair, trying to make sure it was still in place. "Yeah." He said quietly. "I just hate getting upset in front of Blaine. It only makes him feel worse... like he's a failure." He paused here and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as he carefully tried to think of what to say. "He... he feels like he's... disappointing me because he can't give me a child."

"Oh, but doesn't he realize-"

"I've tried telling him, but I know he still thinks it. He wants a baby so badly for us, and, Rachel, I understand. I really, really do because I want a baby so badly too, but... I don't know if he can handle trying for much longer. All this disappointment... it's_ killing_ him. I can't stand to see him hurting. He doesn't deserve to hurt, Rachel. He's such an amazing person and he deserves all the happiness in the world... I would do anything in my power to give that to him. I just want him to be okay, and I just want-"

"What about you?"

The question from the brunette girl put to stop to Kurt's ramble and he frowned slightly, looking at her with a confused expression. "Huh?"

"What about _you,_ Kurt?" Rachel repeatedly calmly, one again laying a hand on his arm. "How are_ you_ taking all of this?"

For a moment he just stared at her, frowning slightly as he tried to understand what she meant.

Rachel let out a small sigh and looked at her friend with a sad smile. "You're always worrying so much about Blaine." She started quietly, holding up a hand to stop him when he opened his mouth to speak, "And you should be. I don't blame you for worrying about him; after all, he's your husband, and he's hurting. But, what I'm trying to say, is that you.. you're hurting too, Kurt, and I don't know if you always realize it. You don't ever show it or truly let it out and I really think you need to. It'll help you."

"Rachel, I'm-"

"Kurt Anderson-Hummel, don't you tell me that you're fine. I've known you for years and I definitely know when you are or aren't "fine," okay?"

Kurt let out a small sigh and gazed at her for a moment, knowing that pretty much everything she had just said was correct. He did worry about Blaine a lot, and with damn good reason, but he didn't really ever voice his feelings on their trying to have children. Sure, he talked to Blaine about it a lot, but never to the point that he really just let it all out. He'd never voiced his true fears on the matter and now that Rachel has called him out on it, he could feel them creeping up on him.

"You can talk about it, you know." She said softly. "That's why I came over... in case you guys needed me. I didn't want you to be alone."

Biting his lip, Kurt looked at her and nodded, more tears filling her cerulean eyes. "I'm scared." He finally whispered.

Rachel nodded encouragingly at this, though it was clear that she was also trying to be cautious. She wanted to help her friend, not hurt him. God knows he'd had plenty of hurt in the past few years to last a lifetime.

"I'm scared that Blaine and I will never have children." He continued softly, furiously wiping at his eyes. "I'm scared that... that the reason we can't have kids is because... because of me. What if... I mean, is there something wrong with my sperm? Are they not good enough? I don't... I don't understand! We try so hard and nothing works. I don't... I don't want this to go on forever. I want us to have a baby, Rach. I want it so badly it hurts and I... I don't know what to do anymore. It's killing me. Absolutely killing me."

/~/

Blaine knew that leaving the house on a day like today probably wasn't a good idea. It probably didn't help to leave Kurt alone either, but he just needed to get away from there for a little bit. Away from the memories, the hurt, the nursery...

Sighing softly, Blaine closed his eyes and dropped a hand down to his stomach. Three years. Three years since... since that day, and the wounds still felt fresh as ever. Sometimes it still felt like he could almost feel her kicking in there, feel her fluttering around as a reminder that she was real... except she wasn't. She wasn't there anymore. She wasn't inside of Blaine, she wasn't with him. She was in heaven, he told himself. An angel. His little angel.

Tears filled his eyes and he hastily tried to wipe them away as he stood from the park bench. He wasn't entirely sure why, on a day like today, he had gone here in attempt to escape the memories. A park. A park that was often full of children. He found that he actually came to the park a lot to just sit and think. It provided a way for him to sort of escape and slip into a world that felt a bit more... carefree and void of stress and worry.

Blaine knew all about stress and worry.

It was honestly all he had been feeling lately, ever since his most recent doctor's visit. He kept wondering if he was ever going to get pregnant or this cycle of disappointment would continue. It was on his mind all the time and he felt himself getting sadder and sadder...

And then there was today.

His daughter's birthday.

The feeling of what today could have been hit him full force and Blaine let out a gasp as he stumbled back to the park bench. Images of his little girl waking up to presents filled his mind. Her big, beautiful blue eyes so full of excitement as she tore into the gifts from her fathers... her face lighting up with joy when she saw other toddlers filling the apartment for a party that was all for her... her beautiful giggle she would emit before promptly devouring her piece of a cake, fit just for the little princess that she was...

Oh god, it _hurt._ It hurt so much to think about that, about the events that should be happening today, but Blaine just couldn't help it. He didn't mean to think about it, he just_ did._ The images filled his mind before he even realized what was happening and all he could do was gasp until they faded away...  
Sometimes it made him feel like he was going crazy. He was almost certain that the only thing that kept him sane was his Kurt, who reminded him that he was still loved, still needed. Kurt managed to keep him grounded when he felt like giving up and floating away, and for that, he would love him indefinitely. He owed everything he had to the man which was exactly why, as he stood up and wiped at his red eyes, he knew that he had to go home. His husband needed him today, and there was no way Blaine was going to just leave him all alone.

He knew all too well horrible ache in the chest that came with thinking about the little girl they'd lost three years ago, and he knew that Kurt would be feeling it today. He knew he would be crying. Blaine wanted to be there to wipe away the tears.

He hurried home as quickly as his feet would worry him through the streets of New York, not even caring that he'd nearly run three passersby over and knocked the coffee out of a few people's hands. He just had this pull, this need, to get home to his husband and he wasn't going to stop until he arrived.  
Panting, he ran into the apartment building and to the elevator, bouncing with impatience as it carried him up to the third floor. Finally, it let out a small ding and he threw himself out into the hallway... right into Rachel Berry- well, Hudson, now.

"Rachel." He gasped, looking her over for a moment. Her eyes seemed a bit red and there was a noticeable wet spot on the shoulder of her sweater, as if someone had been crying there. "Hey."

The woman smiled sadly at her friend and reached up to squeeze his shoulder. "Hey, Blaine." She said softly, and then without another word, walked onto the elevator.

Blaine watched her go and let out a small sigh before he turned to head to the apartment, and to his husband who was waiting inside. He had just barely opened the door when the sound of a sob made him freeze and his eyes went wide with the realization of what it was.

Kurt.

His Kurt was crying, sobbing, and Blaine couldn't help that tears were now rapidly filling his own eyes. Oh, Kurt. Kurt, Kurt... "Kurt." His voice sounded shaky as he finally closed the apartment door and he heard the sharp intake of his husband's breath.

There was a small crash and a muffled curse word from the living room, and then suddenly Kurt was there, rubbing at his red eyes and running a shaky hand over his hair to smooth any wild strands. "Blaine." His voice cracked, sounding hoarse and raspy. "I didn't.. I didn't expect you to be home. Not yet." He attempted a small smile for the other man, but it really just turned out to look like a grimace.

The sight nearly broke Blaine's heart and without a word he flew to Kurt, wrapping his arms around him in a tight embrace. The taller man didn't hesitate to melt into the touch and without a word he choked back a sob, burying his face into his husband's shoulder.

Blaine, too, could feel tears coming and he closed his eyes, just holding Kurt. Today was going to be difficult, he knew. So would tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that, but none of that mattered right then. All that mattered was that he and Kurt needed each other, and he knew he would never turn away from that.

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**Ugh, the tears.**

**Review?**


	3. Chapter 3

**I do not own Glee.**

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The weeks following their daughter's birthday were difficult for Kurt and Blaine, but both men tried their best to make it through. Blaine tried his hardest to stay happy and not let his thoughts get him down, and Kurt tried his best to be open and not keep his feelings bottled up when he was feeling sad. It worked alright for the both of them... but, simply put, they still just wanted one thing.

A baby.

That was what would truly make them happy.

But until that happened, they were just trying to make it through. It's all they could do, really.

/~/

"Boo, have you and Blaine thought about fertility treatments?" Mercedes said one day as she and Kurt chatted on the phone. The countertenor was on a lunch break from work and decided to call his friend, figuring he needed a talk with his girl. "I hear they work well. My friend Sidney and her husband just had some treatments done and it worked perfectly on the first try. They're having triplets, actually."

"Yeah, but for men-"

"It could work, too. You know it could. Don't tell me you haven't looked into that," Mercedes said in an 'I-know-I'm-right' tone. "I'm sure that curious little mind of yours has been on google more than once to look it up."

"Well-" Kurt sighed softly. Damn. She _was _right. "Well... yeah."

"I knew it."

"Course you did."

"I'm serious, though." Mercedes said after a moment, letting out a soft sigh. "It could work for you and Blaine. You guys could... well, you could have a baby."

"You... think?"

"Mhmm." Mercedes could hear the hesitancy in her friend's voice, but it didn't stop her from continuing. "You should think about it. Bring it up to Blaine... I think he'd do it. All you have to do is talk about it."

Kurt nodded, despite the fact his friend couldn't see it. He could bring this up with Blaine, because it would help them have a child. They could finally have a baby...  
But...  
Would Blaine really do it? Would he let a doctor poke and prod at him? He just didn't know; maybe his husband wanted to conceive without a doctor's intervention and do it naturally. But considering that hadn't been working for them... Maybe... _Maybe..._

"Kurt?"

"Huh?" Kurt blinked a few times before realizing that he'd been lost in thought and not saying anything. "Oh... sorry, 'Cedes, I zoned out there for a second." He let out a small laugh then before glancing at the clock, realizing that his lunch break was nearly over. "I've actually got to go now."

"Yeah, same here, actually. But you call soon, okay?"

"You know I will."

"Take care, Kurt. Love you. And talk to Blaine!"

A small smile crossed his features. "Love you too, 'Cedes... And I will, I will."

That, however, was easier said than done. Many a time, when Kurt was about to breach the topic with his husband, he seemed to freeze and change the subject. He could never get the words out. He knew how touchy the subject of children could sometimes be, and with Blaine trying his hardest to beat his depression, Kurt was afraid to say something that would upset his husband. That was the last thing he wanted to do- Blaine had been doing so much better for a few days now.

"Well?" Mercedes asked during one of their calls when the conversation started to die and the singer decided to change the subject, "What did Blaine say? Did you talk to him about it?"

There was a pause, and Kurt, who was realizing what his friend meant, was struggling for an answer. "Uhhh..." He let out a breath, "Well, yes." He finally just lied, knowing that Mercedes would give him the whole spiel about fertility treatments again if he didn't, "But we're still just thinking about it right now."

The little squeal of excitement on the line made Kurt wince and he immediately felt guilty for lying as Mercedes exclaimed, "He'll do it, boo, you know it. I'm so excited for you two!"

Sighing softly, Kurt closed his eyes. "Yeah," He barely whispered, "I'm excited too."

It went on like this for a few weeks. Mercedes would ask if there was anything new, Kurt would say no, and try his hardest to steer her away from the fertility treatment conversation. He would chatter about work, other friends, and even ask Mercedes how her own pregnancy was coming along, even though it made him feel rather jealous to do so. The jealousy also made him feel guilty, for he knew he should be happy for his friend, but he just couldn't help it. He had a reason to be jealous, after all.

/~/

It was a few weeks after his initial conversation with Mercedes that Kurt decided he would finally bring up the suggestion of fertility treatments to Blaine. No skirting around the subject anymore, no being afraid to tell him. He was just going to do it. Yeah.

He decided, one Friday evening as he gathered his things to leave from work, that he would tell Blaine the next day. Maybe the two could have a nice relaxing day at home, filled with snuggles and movies and he could bring up the subject...  
It sounded like a good idea to him, so with a small smile he made his way out of the building and towards home, finding himself in a surprisingly good mood despite the fact he was little nervous about what tomorrow would bring.

When he arrived home he stepped inside, a smile spreading across his face as he stood a deep breath. It smelled like... garlic bread and pasta sauce. That meant that Blaine was cooking, and when Blaine was cooking, he was in a good mood. "Honey!" He called cheerfully, taking off his coat as he moved towards the kitchen. "I'm ho-" He stopped in surprise when he saw that the kitchen was empty, the pots of sauce and noodles on the stove abandoned. Huh. He headed towards the living room then, thinking maybe he could find his husband in there. "Blaine?"

Smiling slightly, he was delighted to find his husband sitting at the small computer desk in the corner of the living room. He was turned to the laptop in front of him, so Kurt just assumed he hadn't heard him come in. "Blaine." He said as he stepped closer, wanting to greet his husband with a hug and a kiss now that he was home.  
Blaine still wasn't responding, however, so Kurt tossed his jacket aside and hurried over, freezing when he saw the computer and realized what was going on. Blaine was sitting there, eyes wide and hands in his lap, as he stared at the laptop screen. It was opened to a page that Kurt recognized immediately- it was one he'd been frequenting lately- and he let out a breath when he realized he had left the web browser open by mistake before he left for work this morning. Oh _shit._

Shit, shit, shit! He hadn't wanted Blaine to find out like this! He should have made sure he closed out the homepage of one of the local fertility clinics that he'd been looking up this morning, but he had apparently forgotten in his rush (considering he'd been running a bit late). And now his husband was just staring at it. "Blaine..." He said slowly, not sure what he should say. He didn't know what Blaine was thinking or how he felt about this, and he didn't want to do anything that would upset him. "Honey?"

Finally, as if he'd been broken from a trance, the other man snapped his attention away from the computer. His eyes were wide and his face was pale, and for a moment Kurt couldn't help but think that his husband looked a bit sick.

"You, um..." He started in a whisper before pointing a trembling hand towards the laptop, "have been looking into... this?"

Kurt nodded as his gaze flicked to the screen and then back to Blaine. "Yes," He murmured. "I was going to talk to you about it."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Oh."

A silence followed, but after a few moment the loud beeping of a timer pierced the air, causing the two the jump.  
"That would be the garlic bread." Slowly, Blaine stood and moved towards the kitchen with a hesitant Kurt trailing behind him. Another silence fell over them at the shorter male pulled a pan of bread from the oven and placed it aside before he picked up a spoon to stir the pot of bubbling sauce on the stove.

Kurt merely watched before he turned to one of the cabinets to get some plates. As he headed over to set the table, he realizing his mind was racing with what felt like a million questions and worries. Blaine hadn't really said anything about the page he'd seen. He hadn't really mentioned the possibility of doing fertility treatments. Was he waiting for Kurt to say something? Was he upset that Kurt had been looking into that? Was he angry? Was he considering it? Was he going to bring it up? Was he... was he...

"It's ready."

Kurt was snapped from his thoughts and he looked up to see Blaine placing a plate of bread, along with a bowl full of pasta and noodles at the table. He then sat down in his usual spot and let out a soft sigh, just staring at the food.

This concerned the countertenor. "You okay?"

Blaine nodded as he finally reached out to take a piece of the bread. "Yeah," He murmured, "I'm just tired."

"Okay." Kurt sighed and began to serve himself some pasta.

It continued on like that for a few minutes, with Blaine just nibbling at his bread while Kurt kept sneaking worried glances at him. He could tell just by his actions that Blaine was deep in thought.

"So," The countertenor decided to try, "Do you want to... talk?"

Blaine's gaze flicked from Kurt towards the living room, a clear indication that what he'd seen on the laptop was on his mind. "No." He murmured, rising from the table with a small shake of the head. "I think I'm going to bed now. I'm tired." With that, he walked away and towards the bedroom, leaving Kurt staring after him in worry, hurt, and confusion.

* * *

**Well... Blaine found out himself before Kurt had the chance to bring up fertility treatments. Do you think he'll warm up to the idea and talk about it? Should he?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Yes, there's more angst... just a warning. For some reason, I can't seem to escape it in this story. Oh, well. **

**I do not own Glee.**

* * *

When Kurt woke up for work, he found the bed empty, and in his husband's place, a small note that read "_Went to work early._" It honestly didn't surprise him, but he sighed nonetheless with the wish that Blaine hadn't left yet. Maybe that way they could talk about what had happened a few nights ago...

Ever since Blaine had discovered that Kurt had been looking into fertility treatments, they had hardly been speaking. Blaine had been taking more hours at work and staying away from the apartment more, and when he was home and Kurt tried to speak to him, he answered in the shortest way possible before disappearing into another room. It had the countertenor worried and he absolutely hated that his husband wasn't speaking to him. He just wanted to know what he thought on the matter. Ugh.

Sighing softly, Kurt got up to get ready for the day, wondering what on earth Blaine was doing at work so early anyways. The younger man had taken a job at a guitar shop close to their apartment while simultaneously going to school to become a music teacher and vocal coach, and he knew that there was no way the shop was busy yet. Oh well. Blaine absolutely loved that shop. He'd taken a job there four years ago while still going to school, and when he'd found out he was pregnant, decided to stop classes so he could work more to save for the baby. Then after everything with that pregnancy went wrong... well, his education got put on hold for a little while longer while he healed. It was only recently that he had decided to return to school and follow his dream of going down a music-related path. Kurt knew that working at the guitar shop and studying music made his husband happy, but he did wish that he hadn't been taking so many hours lately for the simple fact that he just wanted to talk to Blaine.

Ugh. He knew that his husband was a stubborn one and would talk when he was ready, but it didn't stop Kurt from worrying the entire time he was getting ready and heading to work. A few years back he'd landed a nice internship with an up and coming designer, and the woman had immediately fallen in love with what Kurt could do. He was offered a permanent position at the company, and now, with her lines becoming bigger and bigger, Kurt loved what he did. He just needed to be focused when he worked and what was happening at home was making it difficult to do so. He would just try his best, though, and attempt to keep his worries at bay while he ran errands, critiqued the work of the new interns, and pinned dresses until his fingers fell off.

/~/

Blaine knew that taking all these extra work hours to avoid being at home was ridiculous, but he didn't know what else to do. He felt like every time he saw Kurt he was going to bring up fertility treatments and he just... he just wasn't ready for that quite yet. He didn't want to discuss it.

Sighing softly, he leaned against the check out counter and looked around the shop, wondering if the one customer that had been eyeing this Fender for quite a while was actually going to make a purchase or inquire about the item. He was ready to help some customers because just standing here, twiddling this thumbs was quite boring.

Apparently the man didn't really want to buy anything because after a bit he left, leaving Blaine and his co worker, Alice, alone in the shop.

"Slow day, huh?" She murmured as she sat down at one of the stools behind the counter. "I guess it might get busier after lunch."

"Yeah..." Blaine gave a small shrug at that, "I guess it might. We'll have to see, huh?"

"Mhmm." Alice murmured as she let out a breath. The two sat in silence for a moment, merely listening to the hard rock station playing in the store, when suddenly Alice placed a hand on her stomach. "Ugh..." She mumbled.

Blinking, Blaine looked to his friend with concern. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she murmured, "just my stomach..." She trailed off with a slight hesitation.

"Oh. Well are you going to be okay?" The curly-haired man asked, obviously still worried for his co-worker. "I might have something in the back that could help settle your stomach, if you want me to go get it?" He pushed himself off the counter and began to walk away, but Alice quickly stopped him.

"No, no, it's okay!" she exclaimed, though she smiled at him in thanks. "I appreciate it, but..." she paused again before seemingly shrugging at herself, deciding that she would just say it. What did she have to hide anyways? Blaine was her co-worker and friend and she wanted to share this news with him because it was rather exciting. "I guess it's kind of normal now. I'm um... well, I'm pregnant."

For a moment Blaine just stared at her as he processed her words. It was normal now? She was... she was pregnant?

Oh.

Of course she was.

"Blaine?"

He looked up to find Alice staring at him with a frown. "Are you... okay? You looked like you got kind of upset there for a moment..."

"Uh..." Blaine blinked a few times before managing a smile for the girl, though his heart wasn't really in it. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, really... um... that's great!" He suddenly realized that he should probably acknowledge the news she'd just given, even though he honestly didn't want to talk about it. "Congratulations."

Alice practically beamed. "Thank you! I just found out a few days ago. I'm about five weeks along now and I..."  
The girl continued on, blabbing to Blaine about how excited both she and her fiancé were about this new addition to their family. They were planning to wed soon and then announce the pregnancy at the wedding so their families could be there for the big news.

Blaine merely smiled and nodded at what she was saying, giving the right 'mhmm's and 'yeah's when appropriate instead of actually contributing to the conversation with anything else. What could he say, really? There wasn't much he really wanted to because, while he was honestly trying his hardest to be happy for his friend and her growing family, it hurt to think that yet another person was pregnant and he wasn't. It was like it was just being rubbed in his face that he didn't have a baby and seemingly couldn't get pregnant.

Finally, when Alice started going on about already planning for the nursery, Blaine had had enough. He just needed to remove himself from this situation because it was causing a physical ache in his chest. Of course, he didn't blame Alice because the innocent girl had no clue about Blaine's difficulty conceiving, but it didn't make it hurt any less to hear her talking about it.

He made up some story about needing to call Kurt to ask him to pick up dinner on his way home, but when he escaped the babble of the happy mother-to-be, he really went into the bathroom and cried.

/~/

"Okay, tell Carole I said hello and to take care. I'll talk to you soon... love you too, Dad. Bye." Kurt let out a sigh as he ended the call and opened the apartment door, feeling so incredibly thankful to be home after a long day at work. There had been a disaster when a new line of dresses ready to be modeled in a show the next day suddenly didn't fit the models. It turned out that one of the interns had taken the wrong measurements, leaving Kurt to sort out the mistake and fix the dresses before they were needed for the runway. It had been stressful.

But thankfully it was now done, meaning Kurt could relax. He could change into some comfy clothes, curl up on the couch with some popcorn to watch a movie, and then-

"Blaine?"

He suddenly stopped when he entered the living room, surprised to see his husband curled up on the couch. This was the first day he'd been home before Kurt all week and he definitely hadn't been expecting to see him there today.

"Hey, honey," he murmured as he put down his bag and shed out of his jacket. He was just about to continue and ask Blaine how his day had been when suddenly... he heard it. The sound was unmistakable.

A sniffle.

Immediately, his attention snapped to his husband and he was alarmed to see that Blaine was rubbing at his eyes, obviously trying to cover up the fact that he was upset about something. Kurt wasn't going to have any of that, though- no, he was going to get I the bottom of why his honey was crying.  
"What's the matter?" he asked softly as he made his way to where Blaine sat, curled up in a blanket. He gently scooted in beside him and laid a hand on his arm, his expression one of extreme concern. "Are you okay?"

It took a moment, but finally, Blaine lowered his hands to reveal red and puffy eyes that were clearly from crying. He gave a small shrug of the shoulders and gazed over to Kurt, looking absolutely exhausted. "Alice is pregnant."

Oh..._ oh.._.

This was why Blaine was so upset. Alice, his co-worker, was pregnant while he wasn't. There was yet another friend's pregnancy he would have to watch progress while he himself dealt with the inner turmoil of wanting a child of his own...

"Honey..." Gently, Kurt moved to wrap his arms around his husband, knowing that when he got like this he needed contact to be comforted. "She told you today?"

Blaine nodded as he buried himself into Kurt's arms to find comfort in the warm embrace. "Yes."

"Oh."

Blaine didn't need to say anymore; Kurt understood just why he was upset. He understood why Blaine needed to be held, why he needed to cry, and so he merely rocked him back and forth and petted his hair to soothe him. He knew exactly how he felt, and he was going to comfort his husband until he felt okay again. Sometimes it was all he really could do.

* * *

**Well. Yeah, there's the angst.**

**Fertility treatments will most like be brought up by Blaine in the next chapter. How do you think he feels about the matter? Tell me your thoughts... should he be all for them or reluctant to try? Let me know what you think and would like to see happen next!**

**Also, are you all on Tumblr? If so, feel free to follow me. PM me and I'll give you my tumblr name. :)**

**Now.. review?**


	5. Chapter 5

**I do not own Glee.**

* * *

Despite Blaine's protests that he would be fine staying in the apartment alone, Kurt stayed home from work with his husband the following day. He knew by the look on Blaine's face that he was still upset and the real reason for him not going in to the music shop today wasn't because of a sore throat- it was because he didn't want to see Alice. And Kurt understood. He knew it would hurt too much for Blaine to see her right now.

He remembered how upset he'd been last night.

_"It's not fair, Kurt... it's just not fair!"_

_"Honey, I know. I know..."_

_"Why does everyone e-else get to have a baby?" Blaine whimpered as he gripped his husband's shirt. "They probably weren't even trying, and we've been trying for years..."_

_"Blaine..." Kurt very gently placed a hand on his husband's cheek. "Our time will come. It'll work out, okay? We just... we.. we have to be patient," he told him, though he did understand how his love was feeling. It was so discouraging to watch others around you get something that you've been striving towards for such a long time._

_"But when?" Blaine cried as he buried his face into a couch cushion. "I'm so tired of this."_

_Kurt didn't have an answer for that. All be could do was sigh and attempt to soothe his husband._

He did give Blaine his space, though. Instead of sitting in the bedroom at his side like he really wanted to do, he went out to the living room with the intent to clean. Their apartment really needed a good dusting and vacuuming, and he knew it would provide a way to distract him. Cleaning always helped when he had stuff on his mind.

He worked on dusting for a good while, and then he wiped down all of their picture frames that had gotten quite dirty; he then vacuumed the living room carpet, which left it looking much better than it had in a long time; then to finish, he decided that he might clean the kitchen. The stove was looking pretty dirty and he was sure their refrigerator shelves needed wiping down- they hadn't been cleaned in forever.

He was just throwing away a box of week old take-out when he heard a noise and looked up to see Blaine standing in the doorway.

"Hey."

"Hey, honey."

Blaine glanced around for a moment before walking into the kitchen to pick up a bottle of all natural cleaner Kurt was using. "Want some help? I'll do the stove if you do the fridge."

The offer surprised Kurt, since he figured that Blaine would be in bed for most of the day, but he smiled nonetheless. "Of course you can. It'll make things go faster!"

The curly haired man nodded and grabbed a few paper towels before he turned back to the stove, beginning to wipe it down. "We haven't cleaned our apartment in forever, you know."

"Yeah. The bathroom really needs a good scrubbing, so maybe after this we can work on it."

"Mm."

The two cleaned in silence from then on, with Kurt throwing away old food and wiping out the fridge, and Blaine cleaning their stove and the baked-on messes that needed scrubbed off. It didn't take too long before they had finished and Kurt smiled when he finally stood up to stretch. "We make a pretty good team."

"Of course we do. That's why I married you, remember?"

Hearing his husband say that made Kurt chuckle and he walked over for a kiss. "How could I forget?" he blushed, simply standing there with his arms around the other for a moment.

"I would hope you wouldn't."

Both men chuckled before they pulled a part. The sight of Blaine smiling made Kurt happy and he was thankful the news of his co-worker's pregnancy hadn't upset him to the point of falling into his depressed state again. Maybe now things would get better.

"Wanna go clean the bathroom?"

"Sure."

Working together, it didn't take long for them to not only clean the bathroom, but also vacuum every room of the house, and even clean the windows. It seemed that cleaning was something that kept both of them distracted from the stresses of everything else in their lives.

"I'm hungry," Blaine groaned as he carried their cleaners back to the kitchen, where they were to be put away underneath the sink.

Kurt trailed behind, rubbing at his stomach. "Well... I don't really think we have much to cook..." He opened up the fridge to check, but merely shook his head. "Looks like we've depleted our groceries."

Blaine turned to look as well, sighing as his stomach growled. "I don't wanna go out today," he whined, resting his chin on Kurt's shoulder. "But we need food."

"I can make a quick run to grab some groceries?" Kurt offered and pulled back to look at his husband. He knew he probably didn't want to go out today- perhaps the chance of seeing a child or pregnant person while out would make him stress too much- so he didn't mind to go alone. If it would spare his Blaine hurt, then he would do it.

"You sure?" The curly haired man looked at Kurt with raised eyebrows, knowing that they normally did their shopping together. It always went quicker when they did, as they had two people to run and grab what they needed.

"I don't mind," Kurt leaned in to peck Blaine on the lips. "I just need to get ready and then I'll go!"

"Mkay..." Smiling slightly, Blaine watched Kurt head towards the bathroom, knowing that it would probably take a bit for Kurt to get ready. He would want to fix his hair and then pick out an outfit...  
But that was okay. He didn't mind the wait, considering he had no desire to go out and do the shopping himself. Today just wasn't the day for that. He sighed softly and flopped back on the couch, idly wondering if a nap would do him some good. He hadn't slept very well last night, between being upset the bad dreams he kept having, so he was feeling rather tired.

He was just closing his eyes when the sound of his phone vibrating on the coffee table startled him. He reached forward to grab it and check his texts, though he couldn't help but frown when he saw who it was from.

Oh... It was from Alice.

He opened the message: '_Hey Blaine! Heard you called in sick today. Hope you feel better soon! :)'_

Normally, such a text from his friend would make him smile, but today it just made him feel... weird. It make him think of yesterday, what Alice had told him, and he didn't want to dwell on that. It hurt far too much...

'Why can't I get pregnant?' The sudden thought caused him to drop a hand to his stomach and he bit his lip, feeling himself getting upset already. Gosh, the little things still just set him off.

"Well I'm heading out!"

The sound of Kurt startled Blaine and he glanced up, surprised he was already ready to head to the store. "Oh, okay," he mustered a small smile and stood to kiss him. "Get good stuff, mkay?"

"Mmm, I'll try," Kurt smiled as he pulled back from the kiss. "I'll be back soon. Text me if you need me..." he headed towards the door, though he hesitated and glanced back at his husband. Would he be okay staying here alone for a bit? He knew he seemed okay, but he had been awfully upset yesterday.

Blaine seemed to notice the hesitation and he forced himself to smile wider. "I'll be fine. Just hurry home."

"Okay," Kurt grabbed his jacket and keys from the table. "I will. Love you."

"Love you too."

With that, Kurt left the apartment. Blaine let out a heavy sigh and flopped onto the couch once more, his thoughts going back to Alice despite the fact that was the last thing he wanted to focus on right now. But he just couldn't help it! He just couldn't help but wonder why it felt like he was doomed to watch his friends have children, while he couldn't. It was so discouraging...

Sighing again, he rubbed at his eyes, willing himself not to cry. "No, don't get upset. It's okay, Blaine. You're..." His gaze landed on the laptop and he suddenly stopped, a certain thought crossing his mind. Yeah, he had been avoiding it, but suddenly... It didn't seem like a bad idea. Maybe...

Heart beating rapidly, he stood and walked over to the computer. He had some researching to do.

/~/

Kurt was more than ready to get home after his shopping adventure. The store has been packed, traffic had been crazy, and it had taken absolutely forever for him to get through the check out line. But he'd made it,_ finally,_ and he had food. Lots of food that they definitely needed in the apartment.

It was a struggle to get the door open with his arms full of grocery bags, but he managed and called out cheerfully as he headed inside. "Honey, I'm hoooome!" He places the bags on the counter and stopped, listening for some sort of response.

It was a quiet, "I'm in the living room."

He kicked his shoes off and headed in that direction, wondering if Blaine wanted to help him cook something. They had been working together all day, so he figured perhaps his husband would want to continue the trend. It was fun, an refreshing after having Blaine apparently angry with him for so long. Thank goodness he wasn't anymore, even if he still hadn't spoken about the possibility fertility treatments. He hated having Blaine upset with him.

"Whatcha doing?" he smiled as he saw his husband at the computer and he moved closer to playfully massage his shoulders. "Looking up the latest bit of news or- _Oh!_" He stopped in surprise when he looked to the screen, shocked at the website Blaine was on. The page was definitely familiar.

New Hope Fertility Clinic.

He just stared at it for a moment, not knowing what to say.

Finally, Blaine spoke up. "I was, um, looking at this..." he started slowly, glancing up at Kurt with wide eyes. When his husband didn't say anything he decided to continue, not sure how he would react to what he said next. It was sudden to bring this up right now, he knew, but he was just feeling like maybe this would work out. They needed to talk about this. "And I think we should try it."

* * *

**I just looked up a name of a random fertility clinic to use for the story. I know nothing about the place besides the name. So yeah. **


	6. Chapter 6

**I do not own Glee.**

* * *

"You're sure about this?"

"Yeah. Are you?"

"Yeah."

Kurt raised an eyebrow as he watched Blaine, who was elbow-deep in pamphlets. It seemed that he was determined to get as much information about the treatments- and the clinic- as he could. He didn't blame him, though, since this was a big deal. This was potential parenthood here and he knew that if this failed, it would be really hard on them both. He didn't want to think about that.

He was still thrilled to death that Blaine wanted to try the treatments, though. When he had come home a few nights ago to find his husband at the computer, saying he was ready to talk about fertility treatments, he had felt so extremely happy and nervous at the same time. They could have a baby this way! They could finally get pregnant! But naturally, Blaine had insisted they do a little more research on the matter. He wanted to know exactly what they were getting into before they actually went in for a consultation, so he had gone to the clinic and picked up as many informational packets as possible. He was also searching as many internet sites as he could for any tidbit of information that could relate to them.

Kurt didn't question it. He understood completely. He wanted his husband to get all the information he needed to feel sure in their decision concerning this. He was also doing his best to help, and to reassure Blaine when he could tell he was having doubts or worrying about something.

Currently he was reading one of papers on success rates. His brow was furrowed and he was reading intently, trying to see how this would apply to him. "So success rates for men are good," he mumbled with a small nod before he glanced to Kurt. "Not perfect, but nothing is with this kind of stuff, so…"

"I know, honey. We've both read that same paper about five times."

"Oh."

"Yeah." Kurt smiled softly and reached over to place a hand on his husband's knee. I know you're a little apprehensive about this."

"Yeah, but-"

"But," Kurt held up a hand to stop him, "I know you really wanna do it. I do, too."

Blaine nodded at that and mustered a small smile. "I just… I just want it to work," he finally said, letting out a breath. He didn't know if he could go through with the appointments, with getting his hopes up, only to have the treatments not work. "It if doesn't, I don't… I don't…"

"Hey," Kurt scooted closer to wrap and arm around Blaine and pull him close for comfort. "I know you're worried about that possibility; trust me, I am, too," he murmured. "But we won't know until we try, okay? And stressing over it won't help at all. We should just try to keep an open mind with all of this, and go to the initial appointment to see how things go and what the doctor says… And if we change our minds, we don't have to go through with it."

Blaine nodded at that, though his gaze was focused on the papers that were spread across the coffee table in front of them. He knew Kurt was right. Stress wasn't what he needed right now, but there was still a chance that it wouldn't work. That he wouldn't get pregnant. Or even worse, he would and then something would happen to the baby again…  
Oh god. The thought of that made his stomach turn and he sucked in a deep breath, not wanting to get emotional over that right now. That was _not_ something he wanted to be worrying about right now. "You're…" he finally found his voice and glanced to his husband. "Yeah. You're right. We need to just… see what the doctor tells us and go from there."

"Right."

"Right."

A moment of silence, then, "I guess that means we should make an appointment."

"I guess so." Blaine looked to his cell phone that was sitting on the table. Making an actual appointment with the clinic would make this much more real. But then again, it would bring them one step closer to the baby they wanted…

"I'll call tomorrow," he murmured. "It's kind of late now."

"Okay."

"Okay."

Nodding, Kurt leaned in to press a kiss to Blaine's cheek. "I'm so proud of you, you know," he said softly with a smile. "And I love you, so, so much."

A blush spread across his cheeks as Blaine returned the kiss. "I love you, too," he murmured, a feeling of hope suddenly filling his chest. "More than anything."

/~/

The next day, the appointment was made.

Since Blaine seemed too jittery and nervous to talk on the phone, Kurt made the call. He explained that he and his husband would like to come in for an appointment to discuss fertility treatment options, and then a date was set.

It was done.

"So we're really going to do this," Blaine whispered after Kurt hung up the phone. He gazed over at the other man, a shaky smile on his face. "We're going to try it."

Nodding, Kurt stepped closer to grasp Blaine's hand. "We sure are."

* * *

**I know, it's short. But that's because I didn't want to get into the whole appointment thing yet. Before then I need to figure out how the whole fertility treatment appointments work, considering I have no knowledge on the matter. If any of you know about it, feel free to send me some info.**

**Now. I've had a few questions regarding the whole male pregnancy thing and why Kurt hasn't tried to get pregnant in this story. Basically, in this AU, some men have a specific gene that allows them to conceive. Blaine has the gene, Kurt does not. That's why Kurt can't get preggers. I hope that clears up any confusion about that. :)**


End file.
